If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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