he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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