we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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