I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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