Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
