don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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