omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
