I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
