Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
