Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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