I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
