Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
