Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize