He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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