I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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