Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
