for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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