Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
