my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
