he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
