you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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