The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
