Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
