kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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