I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
