It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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