I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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