Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
