Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
