You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize