oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
