There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
