Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
