Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
