Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
