dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
