I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
