Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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