Having a random hookup so left but love u
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
