Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
