Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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