all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
