The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
