i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
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