I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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