I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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