i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
