If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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