So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
