Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
