I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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