you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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