I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
