when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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