Non-Jews are for practice
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
