So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
