When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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