Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
