weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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