i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
