Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
