I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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