I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You can't just leave with hair like that
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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