i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
