"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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