apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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