i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So much rum. So many feels.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
