She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
