i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
