I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I look better un-naked...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
