Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I could make wine with my vomit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
