"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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