i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Less talking, more tequila
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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