bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
