I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
