Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
